I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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