During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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