If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
