And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize