Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
