those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
