Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
