Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
