my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
