Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
