if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
God, I missed his penis.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
