And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
