no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
