He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
