I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's never too late to be topless.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
