I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
