My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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