I want you more than these girls want KFC
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
