What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize