So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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