And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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