We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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