You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
do nipples grow back?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
