No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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