Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize