I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
