I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
