So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
