she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
