the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
