so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
