So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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