Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
