WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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