hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
