He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
