yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
