how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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