I hate your face
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
