Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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