My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We were destined to go to rehab together
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize