ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
