i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
worst night to have a conscience
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
