I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
