How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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