Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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