Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
