I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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