you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
