I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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