so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
false alarm. still invincible.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
