Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
