Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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