R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
