i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
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