And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
