I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize