pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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