giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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